Happy birthday to 'The Best Worst Dog in the World'

Obsessing over shoes, in constant search for food, always looking for affection and leaving hair everywhere. You wouldn't be too far off the mark if you thought this was a 'selfie post', in fact I never realised I had so much in common with the family pet until just now, so one could argue that all of her behaviours (mostly bad) are all  my fault. Surely just as the children's offbeat personality traits are usually laid at my feet - why not the dog's? We call her 'The Best Worst Dog in the World', primarily because she is just that. No excuses, no outlandish promises to stop eating the garden hose (now I can't be blamed for that, I think that is just a dog thing), or ripping washing off the line, taking off down the hallway with underwear best not described or eating out of the garbage bin. There is no intention of spending better engaged hours heading off to obedience school, despite my mother insisting, 'you really do need to do something about that dog', we have just accepted that we have the world's worst behaved dog, and she is the best at it!

Millie, her socially acceptable name, came to us when she was 12 weeks old and celebrates her first birthday on February 14th; Valentines Day (nawwwwwww). And while her image certainly evokes domestic scenes akin to a Kleenex commercial, the reality is harshly different.

Some of her most unsavoury behaviours not already mentioned include: photo2

  • Barking when the door bell goes and frightening visitors
  • Jumping up on above mentioned visitors once they have bravely entered the house and pushing over small children
  • Not eating her own food
  • Sitting by the dinner table waiting for roast lamb, grilled chicken, fish and chips (its the good quality cotton seed oil that does it) or smoked salmon
  • Jumping up to the kitchen bench to see what you are cooking and if there is anything worth hanging around the dinner table for
  • Pushing the door open when you are on the toilet
  • Drinking water off the shower recess
  • Eating everything but not limited to: reading glasses, bath plugs, thongs (the expensive ones - twice), homework, hairbrushes, netballs, plants, possum poo, the edges of sofas, her own bed... I could go on!

In fact she pretty much views the house and all its contents as an all-day, all-you-can-eat buffet! No wonder she doesn't eat her own food - she is full!

In a mere 9 months Millie had compiled a wrap sheet as long as your arm and developed into an habitual repeat offender. The Girls (trying to be helpful) suggested that merely screaming 'MILLIE', every time she broke ranks (or wind for that matter) was not effective. They proposed that just as their names are extrapolated out to GRACE CATHERINE or ELIZABETH ROSE in reference to flung school bags, dropped towels, abandoned arts projects and dirty dishes, so too should the dog's, to emphasize the level of annoyance at her destructive and mostly uncouth shenanigans.

So now I am sure the neighbours think we have adopted another child (due to an absence of a pregnancy), as you will regularly hear echoing from bedroom, pantry or parlour.......... 'MILLICENT OLIVIA'!

Do I feel ridiculous calling the dog by a first and given name? Of course. Has this curbed our hairy nosed outlaw of her demonic outings....no. She mocks our mortal stupidity and knows that if she is still here after the stunts she has pulled in the last year, no amount of ripping, chewing, begging, sniffing in places too impolite to discuss over tea and scones, releasing of toxins, or failure to come when asked, will compromise what we all know;  we have the worst dog in the world and we don't care!

Happy birthday Millicent Olivia. xx